Atish-yoo

Dearest Mama,

I'm afraid the cold (or flu) seems to be getting worse. I haven't set foot outside the door for three days hence my delay into getting back to you. Thank you for your concern and your helpful suggestions but I'm afraid toads and bats are quite difficult to get hold of these days, as is the juice of the walalonga tree (whatever that is). And as for newts, they can prove quite costly. As a matter of interest I did pop into the local pet shop to enquire (without telling the shopkeeper of my particular need of course) and was quite surprised what the going price for young reptiles was. I could get enough Night Nurse and LemSip to last me for a year at that price. Anyway, these things don't last for too long so I'm told. I know this won't meet with your approval but I actually made an appointment with the doctor last night. A very nice lady who I got the feeling thought that I was making a lot of fuss over nothing. She told me to go home and sleep it off, which I duly did but feel no better this morning. I have a serious headache and have vomited on a number of occasions and as for the bottle of Scotch I drank to help me sleep, well I tossed and turned all night so that was a waste of time. Anyhow, that's enough about me and my woes. You didn't mention your health. How is the leg? Have you made a decision yet?
I'm sorry to have to put my visit of once again (3rd time this year- I know) but the last thing I want to do is pass this on to you. I know what you're like with a simple head cold let alone this full blown Swine Flu, with, I'm quite sure,  a touch of pneumonia and bronchitis.

Yours in poor health,  your loving son, A xx