Monday, 14 March 2011

Don't believe all that you read.

Dear Mama,

 Yes I did read the article in the Daily Mirage and my first reaction is to say don't believe everything you read. From the time I spent with Mr Oniker, I find it very hard to believe that he is the much wanted nazi war criminal Ernst Schlafan-Zimmer. For a start Mr Oniker has no trace of an accent and he does not walk with a limp. If you remember the Mirage makes much of Herr Schlafen-zimmer's wooden leg, which Mr Oniker most obviously does not have. If you still have your doubts I suggest you try and work out a ploy which would cause Mr Oniker to roll up his trouser leg. In the meantime I suggest rather than change your staff, you change your daily newspaper.

yours A

Monday, 7 March 2011

Friends Again

Dearest Mama,

 I am so glad that we are close once again and are talking to each other. The past few weeks spent at the house helping you choose staff has been an absolute dream and seemed so much like old times. I'm so very grateful that you saw fit to leaving this important task in the hands of me, you most loving son. Your trip to the Bahamas etc, are in the past. We shall say no more about them.

Now on to important matters. Here, after the interviews are my recommendations for staff positions.

Head Butler: Without any doubt, Mr Edward Oniker. Although of a great age (82) he seems very fit and brings with his a wealth of experience. I was most impressed of his long record at Hardstone House the country seat of the late Earl of Whattingdon. Mr Oniker is your man!

Personal Maid:  Sally Fields. What a delightful girl. (You remember Sally? Blond - Small - giggled a lot) Young admittedly, but great fun and I suspect reliable. I was most impressed by her pert-breasted appearance and look forward to the future monthly interviews we agreed on to see how she was fitting in.

Cook: Madeleine Cook (appropriately named ha-ha) A lovely woman. Brunette (not that, that matters of course) Of a full-breasted appearance well-kept appearance, reliable and very sexy very trustworthy. I look forward to working with her.

Gardener: Amanda  Hoist. What's wrong with a woman gardener that what I say. And especially a young woman of her experience. I checked her particulars throughly and was mightly impressed with what I saw.

So there we have it Mama. You have the final choice of course and I await your decision with great excitement.

Your loving son A. xx