Tuesday, 22 February 2011


 So you are back! And yes of course I am annoyed. Your last missive told me of the painting in the hall and then nothing. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me of the confirmation of the painting's worth. To just up and go to spend some of your sudden gains in the Bahamas without so much as goodbye hurt to say the least. As your only son I would have thought it would have been at the very least polite to tell me of your sudden plans. I have worried about you. Further enquiries led me to believe you hasd been kidnapped, or worse. I was ready to call the police. If it had not been for your postcard...
To sneak off like you did makes me feel....I don't know I'm lost for words. I feel now that I have to make somekind of declaration that I have no interest in your money, as that is how you have made me feel. Like a thief in the night. A gold-digger. I am mother very, very upset, nay angry, that you chose to leave me out of your celebrations.
As far as I am concerned you can buy your Aston Martin. You can hire as many damn staff as you damn well like. For the moment Mother I would prefer if you would not contact me. The very thought that I am considered by my own flesh and blood, my only mother to be a taudry money-chaser (for that is the impression you give) hurts so.


Saturday, 12 February 2011

A Picasso !!!???

Dear Mama,

 I am astounded! If Mr Gelt is correct in his valuation of the painting in the hall then I am uterley flabbergasted. A Picasso you say? I await confirmation with my heart in my mouth.

PS. Don't you think you should wait for the confirmation before you begin taking on staff? I suggest you wait and if and when the time comes I will of course help you with the interviews.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011


Dearest Mama,

 Of course I have no objections to you taking driving lessons. Why on earth would I have any misgivings? I think it's wonderful that someone of your great age should find such an interest. You have all your facilities (although I do worry about your leg - any thoughts yet?). You have good eyesight, remember I've seen you in action with your Purdey and as for your reactions, I think they are better than mine.
However, I am very concerned about your choice of motor vehicle. I don't care that James Bond had one, an Aston Martin, especially a DB5 is an extremely powerful motor car and more than likely much too powerful for you. I am horrified that you have already driven it especially when there is a little thing like a Driving Test to consider and that you reached speeds of over 30 miles per hour on your very first 'adventure' as you rather recklessly call it. It is no laughing matter. What you describe is a criminal offence and also very dangerous and not just for you.
So Mama, I am begging you please, please, please, return the mechanical monster to the place from whence it came. If you are quite convinced that you need to drive please purchase something more sedate.
You remember Mrs Makabee? Didn't she have a Morris Minor that used to belong to her late husband? And hadn't it been garaged for over 20 years? I'm sure she (and me) would be glad to sell it to you.You could get Mr Thomas at the Garage to look at it for you, make repairs if needed and before you know it you could be tootling around the village (if you pass your test of course). Let me know if Mrs Makabee is open to the idea? In the meantime, stick to your bicycle.

Love and kisses A.